How to coach a loved one

Occasionally we run into situations where someone we really care about is in a situation they want to get out of. That person has probably mentioned or complained of their conditions to you and you wanted to help them make a change.

Coaching is not necessarily a natural skill, for many of us it takes time to learn the process of coaching. You shouldn’t feel concerned if you have no idea what a coach actually does. Here are 4 things every good coach does:

1. You must listen closer than ever before.

You must be consciously listening and ignoring the need to interject or offer advice. You must encourage the other person to fully express them self and feel comfortable that you won’t judge them or criticize.

As outsiders we can often see other’s in ways they cannot see themselves. But we must remember that we still don’t have the full picture, you never will. Allow yourself to fully embody that person’s perspective.

You cannot offer any thoughts that are useful without first obtaining the most information. Listening will be the linchpin to this entire exercise.

2. Compassionately help them find the reality in the situation

After you have listened and the other has finished, it would then be the right time to paraphrase what you’ve heard and let the other person confirm that was what they meant.

When you are both of the same understanding you can work together now to expose the reality.

It’s quite possible that even though the other person has fully expressed themselves, the still haven’t revealed the whole story. There must be something that is preventing them from already making the change they want.

If they are complaining about something then they must want to change it, but they haven’t. Why?

You now have the power of two perspectives, you can use very compassionate speech as you begin to explore with that other person what are the real restrictions holding them back.

When you know how another person sees a situation you can be more adept with your wording. If there is suffering in that person, there may be sensitivity in certain areas. Its your job to bring awareness to that sensitivity not remove or stimulate it yourself.

What I’m really saying is to be kinder with the words you use. You may not see eye-to-eye with the other person on this, but that is not what a coach is concerned with. Your opinion may have no use in helping the other person. But perhaps your opinion is more founded in truth and you are motivated to help someone see it your way.

3. Give them options

One of the biggest mistakes I see people make is believing that there is only a single path to their happiness. They try to plan their life to stay on that path.

There is actually an infinite amount of paths to happiness. Which should encourage us to try new things and allow ourselves to be open to more possibility. When you give yourself less restriction you begin to deliberately create things out of your passion.

It is the idea of a set path or plan that we must adhere to that can really ruin us.

After you’ve explored the reality of the situation and helped the other person increase their awareness, you can start to help them generate options. Try figuring out what parameters that person has set for themselves and begin changing them in ways they haven’t thought of. This will open them to seeing new paths to achieve the change they want.

4. You must do this one last thing to make it all count.

You must ask that person if they are willing to do what it takes to achieve their goal. Because if they aren’t willing to do it you can’t help them any further.

Ask them on a 1-to-10 scale how high is the likelihood they will achieve their goal or make that change? If it is less than 8, I want you to ask them to reduce the challenge of their desired goal or change. We must believe in ourselves that change is possible and you want at least a 8-level of conviction.

Offer to help them by checking in on their progress. It really helps to be accountable to someone on what you said you were willing to do for success or to achieve your goal.

That is really the foundation of coaching. Listening, seeking reality and awareness, generating options, and helping someone find the responsibility to do what they say they are willing to do.

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