A Mindful Letter to my Wife

I have been very conscious lately. I have been practicing mindfulness more than ever. This letter represents an internal dialogue that I dealt with the following day after an argument we had in a taxi. Well she yelled at me, I remained calm, but the next day I felt the desire for more justice. This is what happened instead…

When someone yells at you, or hurts you with words in a very violent way. If they swear at you or say hurtful things, never react to them. When conflict occurs, perceptions are wrong. When perceptions are wrong, error occurs and suffering occurs.

When someone is yelling, see them with compassion, look deeper for their suffering. Tell them you are there for them, you are here to help them with their pain.

They are just expressing themselves. They know no other way at that moment so we must help them with their suffering and listen to what they really need.

When you start listening deeply, without judgment or deciding what they are saying is right or wrong, you just listen and let them know they can express themselves without yelling. They will calm down because now you are listening.

By not listening you create the conditions which cause anger and frustration to manifest. You are just as responsible for that moment.

The following day, when all is settled, you may be tempted to think you were wronged and that person owes you and must repent for their outburst. Do not see it this way. In fact they are already suffering within and we should just show further compassion.

Do not seek fulfillment from being right. Do not seek power simply because you acted “without reaction”, that is not a triumph.

Do not request an apology, it is not necessary because words filled with suffering do not bring us happiness. If your mind is clear, you won’t require words, you will know that the pain is on the mend, and the moment now is too precious to waste in feelings from yesterday or year.

That person has already suffered enough, leave their ego alone for awhile and just be with them to remind them the enjoyment we can always take in the present.

You will be just fine without some sort of justice. You weren’t wronged, you were just a condition in that moment. The past is gone. Return to now.

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